I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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