He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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