It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
