In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
