the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize