the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
