Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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