Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
