every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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