if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
