im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
