He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
