UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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