this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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