Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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