32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
