he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
