if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
