i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
