hotel room ftw
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
