I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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