Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
