i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
