Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
