It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize