Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
