It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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