I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
