I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
