apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize