I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
