What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
