were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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