Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ugly people sure do ruin things
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to fling myself into the sun
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
