I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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