All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ttyl tear gas
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
