OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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