Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
