it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
