Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
