Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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