I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
