drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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