Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
