talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
