you win again, gameday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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