Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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