watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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