I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
