made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
