some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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