based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
