If that was your dad, he is hot
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
