Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
