i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
