Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize