I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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