I look better un-naked...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
