Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
