Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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