Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize