he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
