I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
