She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They have beer where we have blood.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
