wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
