hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
