i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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