it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
