you would pick up someone in the library
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
