hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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