got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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