What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
