Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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