You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
