Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
whose ass print is on the piano?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
