super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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