i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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