upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
