I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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