i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
