I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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