we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
