Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
