thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
