even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
