The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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