google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
