Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm bleeding and have questions
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
