I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
