He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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