My friends, they love my intelligence
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
