Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
