please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
