I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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