It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
