You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
