I'm jealous of your bromance
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
