i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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