Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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