so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
