Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize