there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
