the day after is always just damage control
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Alive.
So much puke
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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