God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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