Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
