You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
