why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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