and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
