i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
