Have you finally orgasmed yet?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
