I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
