Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
