i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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