I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My vagina just recognized that song.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
