You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You did what with his pubic hair?
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