i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
