I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
