He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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